April 20, 2008

april showers

Some anniversaries are not meant for celebration...not meant for joy. Tomorrow is one year...since Lisa died...since her family has had to find their way in this new life...since my friend has been gone. Well, not gone...just not here. I still hear her laughter in my heart...see her beautiful eyes in my mind...see her perseverance through her children. When I play with Abby's hair, or make her laugh, I can see Lisa- her determination to be happy. When I give Jacob a high five, I see Lisa- her determination to be strong. And life goes on. We just keep turning those calendar pages, one after the other. How I wish I could use my glue stick...and glue March to May. Just skip April...and it's showers. Because April is not just Lisa...it's also Connor...and Jimmy. I never knew Jimmy, my friend Debbie's dear son...I only knew him through her stories, her memories, her pain, her strength. He was a remarkable young man- who could make you smile through your tears...who loved life and wasn't afraid to go. I do believe that this world is less without him...but that heaven is so much more. And Connor...bundle of electric energy...bundle of life...how I enjoyed that weekend when he & Cam became buddies. I didn't know him long enough. I knew sweet stories about him, from our Texas family, and finally got to meet the whole Texas family in October 1999. Eric's cousin Pam & I had an instant connection...Eric & Steve had great conversation...Laura & Kelsey- inseparable...and Camden & Connor, almost 3 and 2 1/2, respectively, just ran and ran around the atrium balcony of the hotel. Cam, short & stocky...Connor, long legged and quick. They would run and run around that balcony- and Connor would lap Cam- and then they'd just giggle and play. Buddies. Gone...before they really had a chance. Through grief, we all have become closer...but all imagine that time would have had the same outcome for our friendship. So...these April showers...of tears...what can I say? Where are the May flowers? Maybe in the lives that go on...lives that have been touched with sadness...but go on, in the joy of having known someone truly precious.

2 comments:

carie said...

love your heart. your words continue to touch me...very, very deeply. so profound and so true.

suz said...

Very touching
May will be here soon enough