dear eric...

I want you to know…

…that this made me laugh out loud.

I want you to know...
that I know my food doesn’t magically appear in the refrigerator.
And I realize it is not elves lending their hands when I fall behind.

And that I was really thankful for the simmering pot of spaghetti sauce on the stove.

I want you to know…
…that I know I am the lucky one.
Because you show me everyday that you are the better half of us.
And that I am thankful for the Dad you are…
and that we share a Savior.

I want you to know…
…that it touches me my heart when you say I am the best wife ever…
but that I know, in reality, you’d like your clothes ironed and put away once in a while.
(but I makes cupcakes… and really, isn’t that more important?)

I want you to know…
…that when you send me a message, it is my pleasure to listen…
because I love you.

Sorry they were out of your favorite kind...

happy thanksgiving

The congo squares are in the oven... and the parade will start in just over an hour. While those things speak Thanksgiving to my heart... there is more.
There is always more... and that is something to be thankful for in itself. God gives and gives... and all I have to do is receive. Sometimes it just stops me in my tracks. I deserve none of this... and yet, here I am in the midst of a beautiful life. My cup of blessings is overflowing... and I wonder why me?
Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving, with your cup overflowing with the things that really matter...

finding blessings

It will come as no surprise… to me, or anyone else… that real life can bog a Mom down. We give every ounce of our very beings to our to-do lists. Husband. Kids. House. Work. Life. And sometimes it leaves you standing at the open freezer door with nary a dinner idea in sight. Until, of course, you hear your Mom’s voice in your head telling you that you are letting all the cold out and wasting electricity...
It’s been that kind of week. Racing through to the weekend only to discover that the plans I had made have simply worn me out. And now it is Tuesday… and reflecting on the week, I am wondering if there is a moment worthy of unwrapping at all.
It makes me stop… and really think. Past the exhaustion. Past the worry. Past all that makes up my to-do list… and look into my heart. And there… I seem to find all of the blessings, that without Tuesday, might have been left in the field to wither.
Digging around in the bushel of my life, I smile…
At the silly hats Laura tried on at Target… and her exclamation over the one with a real peacock feather.
At the spontaneous outburst of the Scooby Doo song… sung in duet by my son & I.
At the blanket that still has the grass stuck to it… and holds the memory of Eric & I laying out in the backyard at 4am in search of shooting stars.
At my oh-so-close-to-thirteen boy flopping down across my lap and snuggling in.
At the conversation my daughter and I shared over soup & a sandwich.
And at the way he drew me away from the freezer door and took me in his arms.
It is time to harvest these blessings… and hold them close.
They are gifts from above.
From His heart to mine.
And not only worthy, but necessary to unwrap.

a most beautiful gift

It is Wednesday, and I am almost regretting taking Monday off. Almost... but not quite... because it was too much fun mixing up cheese balls with my Mom and my kids. But the week is looking long. Any other week I would be rejoicing that tomorrow is Thursday... but now I am just hoping for the energy to get through a few more days.
It is Wednesday. And Wednesday is piano day. I love it dearly... but in the getting there I start to droop. Leave work. Drive half-way home. Pick up Camden in the Super Target parking lot, where either Eric or Gran meets up with me. Drive back within two miles of work. Enjoy Camden's 30 minute lesson. Drive home. Make dinner... fall in a heap on the couch and cringe at the view. But all the while, I know there is only one more work day and I can make amends for the housework that has been left to itself and multiplied in my absence. But not this week. Monday off... work Friday. To prepare for our big fundraising event on Saturday.
After work today... as I was heading down five flights of stairs, my phone rang. Eric. Please don't tell me you have already left for Target. But I push aside the thought and answer with, I'm sure, a less than pleasant hello. His voice, twenty miles away, had a big idea. How about I drive into town with Cam so you don't have to drive all the way out here? I almost cried. But instead I breathed a thank you... and smiled. Honestly... the gift he gave me in that moment was more beautiful than if he had presented me with a dozen roses. And in his thoughtfullness, I am blessed with that extra bit of energy I need to get through the week.

finding lost time

Life keeps us running... and lately, with all of Laura's marching band events, we are putting one foot in front of the other faster than usual. We love it... but the weekends are gone before we know it. And it would be an understatement to say that there are things that are not getting done at our house. This weekend, we decided to push on through Sunday and catch up. Laundry? Groceries? Vacuuming? No... we caught up with each other. Because there are some things that you cannot put off another day.
We spent the afternoon wandering back through history... at the Old Florida Festival. While the wind swirled around us it seemed to also whisper the stories of days gone by. We laughed when the telegraph man described Morse code as the original text messaging.
Laura marveled over the lap weaver... and Camden made rope. Thankfully, not quite long enough to tie up his sister. We all stood, fingers in our ears, waiting for the cannon blast.
And while we explored the yesterdays, we discovered today... and enjoyed it as a family.

It is Tuesday... and I am thankful to have this family day to unwrap. See what the others are unwrapping today at Emily's Chatting at the Sky.

making your own decision

I watched with anticipation, day after day, as I drove to and from work. Coming soon the sign declared. Props, pallets and finally pumpkins were added to the display as the days in October inched forward. And finally... it was ready. Row after row of Fall had made its way to Florida.

When there was finally a day my calendar did not send me in three directions, the four of us zipped on down to the pumpkin patch in search of Halloween treasure... the pumpkin that would do the Jack-o-lantern honors this year. Walking through the rows of perfect pumpkins, I realized that coming early, before all of the pumpkins begin to rot, has its benefits... and then, upon gazing up at my children, who are not lightening fast decision makers, it occurred to me that once the selection is narrowed down, there are still quite a few advantages!

And so Camden came to me with his pick... and what did I do? I questioned him. I wanted him to look at his choice, and make sure that he would have enough room on the front of the pumpkin to create just the face he wanted. And after just a breath of uncertainty from me, he returned his jack-to-be to it's resting place. And the guilt seeped in. I tried to take back my thought... but it was to late. And this boy, who is so much like his mother, not wanting to ever disappoint, was on the search again. Eric sent an almost-glare my way, and to be fair, I deserved it. Trying desperately to make amends, I went back to Cam and tried to explain my thinking... but most of all tell him that his first choice could be his final choice... and I was sorry for planting that seed of doubt. I eventually convinced him that I was sincere and after another trip or two up and down the rows, he made his way back to the One.

During this whole exchange, Laura was traipsing up row and down, and was totally on her own making her pick. Surprisingly, she found one in record time and then had more time just to wander and enjoy. And I was thankful that I had not ruined the adventure for both of my kids...

Even now... with our pumpkins adding a splash of orange to our front step... I am thinking about what I said... what I did to Camden. And I make a heartfelt plea to my own self... to let go. But along with my own lesson learned comes gratitude. For his will... beginning to stretch and grow and try out uncharted territory. He was able to (finally) push my two cents out of his head and go with his gut. At twelve. And for that, I am thankful. Because for me... it took a lot more than double the years for me to step out boldly from my own Mother's advice and urgings. Her advice was always sincere... and I never felt pushed... I just always wanted to please. And I so I suppose that I was being pushed... but by my own heart. Looking back, I realize that starting this blog was the first time that I have actually listened to my mother's advice and outright rejected it. Her cautions were from her heart... but my own heart had already committed itself. In stepping out on my own decision, and having her come back and thank me (over and over!) for pushing her advice aside, I have learned a valuable lesson. And while I may falter, time and again, I am learning to pass it on. My mistakes may come in a pumpkin patch or over a cooking lesson... but I hope when it is really important that I can step back and let my own kids tumble forth, confident in what they think without worrying that their choice will disappoint me...

ordinary starts with o

Sea shells, broken or whole... a stray feather that has fluttered its way into the wet sand... tiny pebbles that poke at the undersides of your feet as you are exploring. Ordinary beach finds, or extraordinary treasure? It depends how you look at them...

It's the simple joys, the simple pleasures the heart remembers and dearly treasures. -Hadin Marshall

Working our way from Z to A with Jen @ Unglazed... Happy Monday!

a step forward

In the darkness... we headed out. Quiet. Both of us thinking... praying. His fingers wrapped themselves around mine and his thumb skipped over my fingernails again and again. There was worship music on the radio and in the midst of my conversation with God, I answered the question How great.... how great is my God? Great. Really great. In my quivering heart, I still know the answer to that question... and I am thankful.
We continued moving along down the road... his hand only leaving mine to bump the windshield wipers a bit every now and again... and another song came on the radio. Born Again. I don't think it is necessarily the words of the song that get to me... but what I feel when I hear it. The breath of Jesus all around me... like wind in my face... a caress of grace. And while I was busy picturing myself sitting in the palm of God's hand, in a puddle of my own tears... it came to me that maybe... the splashes around me were simply His grace raining down on me.
I'm okay... home again. And still uncomfortable. But with a smidgen of an answer in my pocket. And maybe some healing coming my way. But most of all... I feel loved. By my family... and my friends. And if you didn't know... that includes you.

just what i needed

Uncomfortably shifting in my seat, in more than a bit of pain... I decided to take a quick check on my e-mail. And there was a note from beautiful Kat. Telling me to go and check out (in)courage... because I had won their t-shirt. And the tears came... in sobs. Because He knows. He knows just what we need. What I need. And tonight... I need some courage. Tomorrow I am going for an exploratory procedure on my bladder. Yeah. It isn't really what I had planned for my day off. But I am going... and I am scared. There is something wrong, I know. And I want to know what the next step is... but gosh... I am scared. Of the pain. Of the problem. Just scared. I keep calling His name... and I know He is here... just waiting for me to set my fear in His mighty hands. So here I go... setting it down. With courage. And a good bit of denial. But I know... tomorrow when my husband kisses me as I am sent on my way... that God will travel the rest of the way with me. And He will hold me... and my fear... and wipe my tears away.

love and life

On this day, seventeen years ago... I awoke with anticipation of a fairy tale day, and no less than a thousand dreams in my heart. Dreams of all of the tomorrows in my life, and what they might bring... growing old with my sweetheart. I was a girl headed towards her wedding day with beautifully tinted rose-colored glasses perched on her nose... seeing the bountiful celebrations that life would surely unfold. But what I didn't see was all of the life that would happen between the celebrations...

The swollen ankles and high blood pressure that my pregnancies would bring... and the way he would seemingly hold our life together doing dishes, serving dinner and washing clothes on top of his work hours when the doctor ordered bed rest. (Seems he may have set a pace for himself as he has continued lending his loving hands to those tasks still today.)

The moments of great sorrow... eyes, loss, health. The moments that would cause pain to our hearts and bring us to our knees. In prayer. Together.

The afternoons when the stress of life would wrapped itself around my heart and an easy breath would be a luxury... and the arms that could somehow ease the anxieties just by pulling me in and holding me close to his beating heart.

Nights when his methods would made me chuckle, as he, with the kids, would be sprawled across the couch watching another episode of Cops, learning what getting into trouble really was. (But perhaps there is no more vivid way to share the real consequences of bad behavior than to share the examples in living color.)

The screeches of laughter that would bounce off the walls that we would call home... as yet another penguin or kitty cat was taken hostage at bedtime. And the way the serene images of what bedtime should be would turn into mayhem.

If that girl had removed her rose-colored glasses, racing across North Scituate as the sun was dawning on her big day... she might have thought about the homework... the dirty socks on the floor... the heavy hearts... the tears... the crumbs scattered across the counter... the bright faces that would someday wiggle in the pew. But she would have raced just the same. Towards life... and all that it might bring. Because the lessons life has to offer... and the beautiful mess that life can be, and is on a daily basis... those were treasures for another day. Treasures to unearth with your Love by your side, as year after year the love grows just a little deeper... into something that a little girl of just twenty could have never imagined.

yesterday i was supermom

There are days I feel the need to be SuperMom... and on those days there is usually some kind of lesson involved. For me. Like... you don't need to be SuperMom, you need to let Me be in control... it's My job. And for a few weeks, I sit back and let God take charge... until I feel the need to be in charge again, and mess it all up. Like yesterday. I had commitments like crazy... to a group that is close to my heart... and couldn't let down. I had lunch to serve to 30 starving band kids... and then, dinner, too. And I had to make dinner for the instructors. You know, a nice dinner. Not fancy... just good, stick-to-your-ribs food. It was the first time I was cooking for them... and if you know me, I wanted it to be impressively delicious. Not necessarily for the compliments, but just so they would know I cared.

But it was my day off.
And my kids are home.
And I was sick on my last few days off.
So, I decided to do it anyway... to fit it all in.

I worked all morning to get my dinner & desserts "almost done," then I sat down with my kids and gave them the scoop:
1. We can try to go to the water park, but here is the deal- be ready when I get home from lunch. Ready... like waiting to get in the car.
2. This is going to be a short trip... we have to be back in the car by 3pm.
3. We are really taking a chance... weather, timing, etc. It has to be go-with-the-flow.
4. And I can't go on the slides and get my hair wet... because I will not have time to shower before I have to go and serve dinner!

I could see the light in their eyes... and hear the anticipation in their voices as they scurried off to get ready. I wanted to do this for them. And for me. To give them part of my day off... just for them. I knew I could be setting myself up for disaster... possibly a major one... but for them, I had to try.

And it worked out. I felt like God indulged me. For those two hours, we floated in the lazy river... I watched my kids on the diving boards and the slides... and we floated some more. I even had time for a heart to heart with my daughter when Cam hit the slides again and Laura & I were just floating down the river, hand in hand. God knew I needed this time to play... with my kids. And I made sure that I made the most of it.

And I managed to get my food done and served on time... macaroni & cheese, two chicken & biscuit casseroles- one with broccoli, one without, and cupcakes... red velvet & pumpkin.


Yesterday I was SuperMom... it is not a job I can handle on a daily basis though. And I am thankful that God does remind me of that now and again... because it is exhausting. I fought off the exhaustion for a bit... but by 7:30 pm.... I was fast asleep.

there's no place like home

I had my own illusions of their homecoming... hearing their voices as they climbed out of the car... and their traipsing of feet as they raced to the door... and into my waiting arms. But I am not that kind of Mama. I am the kind of Mama that is waiting in the driveway as soon as I hear they are getting off the highway... even though it is ten minutes away. I am the kind of Mama that turns her head to look at every passing car as it drives on by... even though I know it is couldn't possibly be them yet. I am the kind of Mama that raced to the car door before it was completely open, so I could embrace those kids that I love so much.

I would have liked to take a photo of Cam tumbling out of the car... but then my arms would have been too full for him. I would've liked to take a picture of Laura's animated face as she told about her adventures over our pizza dinner... but her smile was brighter than a camera would have captured. Thank you, Jo, for reminding me of these things, and for reminding me that being in the moment is better than the photo you could snap.

They are still sleeping...snug in their freshly made beds... and as I wait for their sleepy eyes to appear this morning, I am thankful for...

...this beautiful mess.

a few minutes in the morning

With a day of work ahead of me...
it feels good to have 6,000 steps behind me.
And I am thankful for a few minutes to sit by myself... to enjoy my hot cup of coffee in my favorite mug. Refreshment for body and soul...