just not the same

Sunday we were out and about... crossing off a few errands that were long overdue for that scribbly line... you know, like buy toilet paper. One thing we hadn't even talked about was pumpkins. Every morning I pass the church where the pumpkins are displayed over the lawn, amidst scarecrows and wheel barrows, and faux fall foliage twisted through an arbor. I have watched the supply dwindle to just a scattering of pumpkins on pallets. And so that is why, while we were at Sam's Club, I suggested we just look for a pumpkin there. There was no discussion, no disappointment- just peering and reaching over the edge of a deep cardboard bin. We all poked around, but when Laura said I don't think I want a pumpkin, I put an end to the misery. What has happened to me? At what point did I think this was the right thing for my kids? I suppose at the same point that I realized how tired I am... and how ragged I have run myself, and in turn, neglected my family. That will not likely change for the next week, but after that? I plan to be me once again. But in the moment, in Sam's, we walked away from the pumpkin bin, with Eric joking that they'd be sad and probably end up as pie, or pig food, and headed off to the pumpkin patch. I should have been happy, but it was one of the few days that my camera was not stashed in my purse... but I decided to get over that, and just enjoy. Laura & Cam wandered and pondered, and finally each chose their pumpkin. I couldn't resist... I did finally pull out my phone and snap a shot- just because it is tradition. And my smile carried on as I listened to Cam, the pumpkin whisperer, in the back seat... the one he chose? His name is Jeff.